20 Dec Train up a child, in the way he should go…..
In family, juvenile dependency and also probate courts, hearsay often becomes the rule rather than the exception even though these courts’ decisions permanently affect young children.. A California probate and a “family” court drew global attention for corruption and collusion in its probate system when a judge stripped Britney Spears of her legal rights and handed them to her father, a decision widely criticized as financially motivated. Her ex‑husband, Kevin Federline, was allowed to raise their sons—alongside several other children from different mothers—in a way that encouraged them to reject their mother. During this time, he received substantial financial support from Britney, which also benefited his other children and partners.
Many other parents who gain sole legal rights to their children use that power to instill fear, insecurity, and rejection toward the other parent. We are now seeing an unprecedented rise in mental health struggles among young people who grew up without a stable or secure environment. We are also seeing increases in homelessness, lawlessness, and violence—patterns linked to children being taught to reject the resources, support, and relationships available through their other parent and extended family.
There is also a troubling rise in drug use and risky sexual behavior, often used as temporary escapes from the emotional patterns these children were taught to follow. The biblical phrase “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” raises an important question: What is it that children do not depart from—the destination?
A child’s mind naturally returns to what it knows. It gravitates toward familiar thoughts, feelings, and experiences, even when those beliefs are untrue or harmful. Medications used by psychologists to disrupt these patterns in adults often fall short, because the mind tends to revert to its earliest “knowledge,” whether accurate or not. Research from Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis shows that parts of the brain responsible for movement are deeply connected to networks involved in thinking, planning, and even regulating involuntary functions like blood pressure and heart rate. As Stanford researcher Alia Crum, PhD, explains, “Our minds aren’t passive observers… our minds actually change reality.” Stanford pain scientist Beth Darnall, PhD, adds that pain is highly influenced by a person’s mindset which can be established in childhood. As evangelist Billy Graham once said, “A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.”
So where does this leave a child who has been taught insecurity, disrespect, avoidance, or even violence toward a parent and extended family? How does an adult break away from the direction their mind has been trained to follow? I don’t have all the answers. But I do know that respect can be learned. I know that adults can overcome the insecurity, fear, loneliness, rejection, pain, and anger that their early training created. I know that an adult child can reject the hatred and alienation they were taught and instead build a loving, respectful, and meaningful relationship with the parent and acquaintances they were taught to fear and disrespect.
Maybe we will always feel the pull of those early patterns. But we can stop ourselves from reaching the same painful destination. It may take constant, “everlasting vigilance” to avoid those dark and destructive places, but that vigilance is a small price to pay for freedom..