The Hidden Truth: Children Are Safer With Family Than in State Custody

In the film Safety, a mother struggling with addiction is arrested and voluntarily relinquishes her parental rights to her older son so he can care for his younger brother. He tells his mother, “You’re not the priority anymore” and realizes that his college football career isn’t the priority anymore either.

When a parent gives up legal rights to a trusted family member, they still know where their child is. This is a reality many marginalized families have quietly understood for generations: once the government is no longer involved, it eventually stops watching. And for a parent facing the possibility of losing their rights, knowing where their child sleeps at night can mean everything. In Safety, the mother always knew where her youngest son was—during the crisis and years later.

Ray McElrathbey, the elder son stays active in public life, sharing his story in interviews and public platforms in order to advocate for family stability and support.  Fahmarr, the younger son also attended the same university with support from Ray and the two remain close. 

By contrast, the State of California has lost track of far too many children in its custody. Some of those missing children adopted through the state system are later returned, leaving them with the painful belief that no one wants them. The difference is stark: when a parent voluntarily places a child with family, the connection remains. When the state intervenes, that connection can disappear entirely.

Research and policy evidence strongly suggest that children are generally safer and have better long-term outcomes when placed with extended family (kinship care) rather than in non-relative foster care or group settings.